Unfit Parent Pillows

"On the other hand, Timmy. Fear of failure has kept daddy from ever being seriously injured."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

"Where's your nose?"

Man walking a dog is passed by a runner carrying a baby on her hip.

First Steps

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

'That one's going to be a klutz.'

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"Just the galoshes and coat, Timmy."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"No - wait, I haven't read them all yet..."

"I'll explain later."