Unexpected Sage Gifts

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

One way only.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

'It's not dead, honey. You've just never seen it turned off before.'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Fumes from furniture

Computer spying.

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

Customers Wanted

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

Why god isn't listening...

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

Economists generally agree that consumers don't trust products that cost too little. If an item is too inexpensive, it seems cheap. A higher cost connotes quality. Price hike! Beware the rabid capitalist bearing economic theory.

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

It isn't about what's right or wrong, but choosing what's right for you. Therapy makes shopping way more difficult.

"Don't be discouraged. Do it over, monitor the results...write your paper."

"You're addicted to your phone and I think you need help."