Unexpected Humour Fans Gifts

This is not what I had in mind.

Faster, Georges, faster!

Theatre Masks and Butts

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

>Enter new password: BEEF STEW >Password not stroganoff.

Beware of sissified, but tough dog!

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"The robber was about 5' 11"...."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"I just remembered where I left my chew toy."

'Oops, actually, this is a cockroach I squashed the other day.'

The afternoons are okay, it's at night that I can't sleep.

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

"Sorry, Jeff. This just isn't working as I'd hoped."

Prosthetic snake.

'Waiter. Tonight, we're pulling out all the stops! Get her the steak special and I'll have the pork chops.'

Cow wash: 'You missed a spot.'

"Do you have any books on perception?"

Man on desert island sees tightrope walker on horizon.

'That's Cat from Eastenders.'

A bowls player bowling a bomb

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

'I'm afraid you're a little late for the book signing, Mr. Dickens.'

"Looks like beach weather."

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

"Out bending spoons at Pop's diner."

Coping with Normalcy

Apple Tree Dispenser

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'A most powerful, moving and scary book - botanists will love it!'

'Cream?'

'Got any road movies?'

"I'm thinking the little fella's from Maine."