Underwater Urbanite Gifts

Sorry, Jack, the new 'Health and Safety Officer' is very strict!

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

Mr Metrosexual.

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

"What's wrong, girl? Trouble? Rachel can't decide which private school to attend?" "Upper West Side Lassie"

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"Alright be cool. We're just gonna ask for an autograph and be on our way."

"I wish there was a way to get out of the city this summer without leaving Manhattan."

'Don't be silly, I'm not calling for help: I'm calling my cousin to come and join us for dinner...'

Conan the Barbarian's brother- Charles the Civilized.

"Dad's home."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"I'm getting bitten, and it's not by tall bond traders with accents."

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"The country might not suit a city boy like you. We've got coyotes instead of doormen and feelings have no meaning here."

"Maybe what's good for Wall Street isn't good for Main Street, but it's great for Tribeca."

'Our new neighbor an urban farmer.'

"Everybody seems to be in such a hurry these days!"

Urban relocation

Third-Floor Rapunzel

CAN'T FIND CHARGER

"Pleased to meet you neighbour! I'm the first wave of gentrification."

"Hold on, I'm not a Hatfield or a McCoy—I'm from Brooklyn."

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

'I'm mixing drinks. Would you like a womanhattan with me?'

'Sunday morning, love - time to conceptualize brunch!'

Police Log from Suburbia Heights in Haiku Form

Everyone treads on the cracks sometimes, Arnold...

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'

WARNING! The city is a cold heartless place.