Underwater Career Coach T-Shirts

Part of Neptune's job is doing performance reviews. He said the octopus is a great multitasker and the dolphin has outstanding communication skills. If given a meaty project to work on, the shark will really sink its teeth into it. The jellyfish received a poor review because he's just aimlessly drifting in his career. And the eel is being promoted to management. He's a terrific motivator. He gets everybody charged up.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Reverse psychology

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."

Between Offices

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"I am dressed for the job I want."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'