Underwater Career Coach T-Shirts

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I hate performance review season."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Reverse psychology

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

Between Offices

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"I am dressed for the job I want."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."