Career Coach T-Shirts

Walking Tours of New York

'We're looking for someone who's comfortable taking risks.'

'We value emotional intelligence over regular old intelligence, so there's still some hope for you.'

'My ability to adapt is the key to my success.'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

Psychometric testing: "Of course the tests are nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them MUST be highly motivated."

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

"Henry, I'm beginning to think we're on different career paths."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I see from your resume you spent fore years at bizness skool."

"I practiced my networking elevator speech on an escalator, which messed with my timing."

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package."

"I am afraid Mr. Jones is in his career coaching session. Can I get him to call you back?"

"Apparently, fifty is the new unemployed."

Guidance Counselor - Hunting/Gathering.

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

'So what you're telling me is you've been fired from the last 15 jobs you had.'

'I must say, I do like your incentive program.'

"ermm...I think I'll phone a friend"

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

"Maybe I shouldn't ask where you see yourself in five years."

Ted's confidence quickly fades.

"When the report said that coaches should have some psychological training I think they meant more than having watched all 11 series of Frasier."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"Your resume shows you have had numerous jobs and in all of them you were rather invisible."

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."