Career Coach T-Shirts

Walking Tours of New York

'We're looking for someone who's comfortable taking risks.'

'We value emotional intelligence over regular old intelligence, so there's still some hope for you.'

'My ability to adapt is the key to my success.'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

Psychometric testing: "Of course the tests are nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them MUST be highly motivated."

"Henry, I'm beginning to think we're on different career paths."

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"I practiced my networking elevator speech on an escalator, which messed with my timing."

"I see from your resume you spent fore years at bizness skool."

"Apparently, fifty is the new unemployed."

"I am afraid Mr. Jones is in his career coaching session. Can I get him to call you back?"

Guidance Counselor - Hunting/Gathering.

"We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package."

'So what you're telling me is you've been fired from the last 15 jobs you had.'

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

"ermm...I think I'll phone a friend"

'I must say, I do like your incentive program.'

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

"Your resume shows you have had numerous jobs and in all of them you were rather invisible."

"Maybe I shouldn't ask where you see yourself in five years."

"You're afraid I have unrealistic expectations? Funny. I was thinking the same thing about you."

"I am dressed for the job I want."