Career Coaches T-Shirts

The key to landing a good job is patience, persistence and timing. And networking.

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'At least it's steady work.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

'We're looking for someone who either has a good background or can concoct a good story about one.'

Acme Group: Glass Ceiling

"I hate performance review season."

Job Interview, "This company wants a person who is both ruthless and intelligent but who is also too dumb to want to try for my job."

'You have an online degree from the college of hard knocks'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3, 4, 6 and eight."

"I did have a question regarding your career history. Under 'Strengths,' you listed 'Never convicted.' Would you mind elaborating on that?"

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

Yes, Ralph, you blew the interview because there was something between your teeth...your foot!

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"You smell like wet cardboard."

'Dang! Is seeing into the future required for this job?'

"If you used the 'Idiot's Guide To Writing Resumes', try us when we're hiring idiots."

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

"You're in luck, we do have an opening at the moment for someone with limited skills and a tragic lack of motivation and initiative."

"Once we corroborate your impressive resume with your social media persona, we'll get in touch."

"When I said to make yourself comfortable..."

"One hundred billion workers and I'm the only one made redundant. Do you realise how unlucky that makes me feel?"

Job interview

'Impressive...you've got walking.'

'It is our hope that the salary this job offers will take your mind off it's meaninglessness.'

'Why did you tell lies on your application form?' - 'Well, your advert said you wanted someone with imagination.'

'I'm willing to start at the bottom.'

Career in a rut? Call ********* The recruitment specialists.

'Your r

"Shame about the ovaries..."

Too good for most jobs

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

'Are you willing to change your name to Bob Smith?'