Career Coaching Aficionado T-Shirts

'OK Tom, besides being a serial killer, do you have any other ambitions?'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Work/Life Balance

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I hate performance review season."

What else is there to wish for?

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

Between Offices

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"I am dressed for the job I want."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"