Career Coach Advisor T-Shirts

'You say you're an eternal optimist. How unfortunate. We're looking for an internal optimist.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Work/Life Balance

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I hate performance review season."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Between Offices

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.