Underground Humorist Gifts

"Education secretary Betsy Devos who's family's fortune is derived from 'Amway'..."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Atomic Bear: Part 21

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Then we just cut the cartoons with a little more baby laxative."

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

'My acne is worst on the dark side.'

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"... And precisely how long have you been reading underground comix?"

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Canoeing Incorrectly

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Fish: 'WHOA,Gesundheit!' / A Fish has sneezed out all of his scales

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

'He said there's a 40-minute wait for non-smoking.'

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'