Unconventional Story Lovers Gifts

'I was convicted for embezzling from a sperm bank.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

7 More Dwarfs

William Tell

'This bottle of whisky will give you 'Dutch courage', it's the best I can do.'

Through the Looking Glass - The White Knight and The Red Knight Battle.

'What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?'

"Love your ambiance!"

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

"I've finished the press statement about the kraken."

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"The forest has been cleared, Little Red Riding Hood has gone because her grandma is now buying her stuff online and you're asking me why I started drinking? Seriously?"

Cinderella mopping up

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

'I'm the good witch, and this is my house - made entirely out of dental care products.'

'I need to go to the bathroom. Can you DVR that while I'm gone?'

"How do those feel? Click them together a few times."

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

B.B.C. Watchdog