Unconventional Story Lovers Pillows

'I was convicted for embezzling from a sperm bank.'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"Me Tarzan. You CGI."

7 More Dwarfs

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

'This bottle of whisky will give you 'Dutch courage', it's the best I can do.'

William Tell

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?'

Through the Looking Glass - The White Knight and The Red Knight Battle.

"Love your ambiance!"

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

"I've finished the press statement about the kraken."

Cinderella mopping up

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

"The forest has been cleared, Little Red Riding Hood has gone because her grandma is now buying her stuff online and you're asking me why I started drinking? Seriously?"

"And you can REALLY make 345,000 deliveries in ONE day!"

Scarecrow jumps out of a birthday cake and then catches on fire.

'I'm the good witch, and this is my house - made entirely out of dental care products.'

The Little Old Lady Goes Fishing.

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

Well, I didn't know he was a dragon when I met him online!

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

"How do those feel? Click them together a few times."

'I need to go to the bathroom. Can you DVR that while I'm gone?'

B.B.C. Watchdog