Story Lovers Pillows

"Can I interest you in our anti huff and puff damage policy?"

'Next.' (Lion with a thorn in its claw)

"Forget about the Wizard, guys...these stores have everything!"

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

'Great, he's going to be a bean counter.'

"How do those feel? Click them together a few times."

The old woman who swallowed a fly, dines out.

'What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?'

Scarecrow jumps out of a birthday cake and then catches on fire.

'Ever since I lost that stupid race, I've been a laughing stock wherever I go...'

Baby swinging on the stork's beak.

"Well Master Jack! We have reason to believe you're growing a GM crop without a licence!"

"As travelling is pretty much out of the question for me, I just love your travel tales: Go on, tell me another one..."

"Grandma, tell us again how your phone was attache to the wall, and you had to turn a wheel to dial a number!"

"I believe you're right, Lars - It is a finger!"

Hare and the tortoise race odds.

'Things were fine until the day that kid yelled 'Hey look at that ugly duck with the black mole over it's beak and the long neck!'...To think I spent all those years parading around, thinking I was a swan. I can't bear the embarrassment of it any longer.'

'Next time I cut the red wire...'

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

The Little Old Lady Goes Fishing.

'I need to go to the bathroom. Can you DVR that while I'm gone?'

"Could you describe them?"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'I'd like now to introduce Len who will tell slightly humourous stories in his inimicable self-serving way,'

Sick father.

"Who's littlest spoon?"

"It's just, I thought I could and then I did. But now what?"

January 1, 2021

"dzKyivcy5n2#ijwx9uc!"

"This whole forest is getting unbearably gentrified."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Audio Books

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'