Umbrella Skeptic Gifts

"Is really wet, here!"

"Apparently it's going to be very heavy today and could catch some people offguard!"

Sunbathers.

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Punctuation Weather

"Social service teams are claiming that they can't recruit workers because of the vicious, biased reports we write about them!"

Rational explanations

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

'Just stop for a minute. Smell that pine scent. Drink in the view. I don't think we could pick a better site for our 'Mega-Mall'!'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"£38,000 in consultancy fees and 'sell more stuff' is the best you can manage."

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

But the brochures says breakfast in bed! Yes, only if you carry your bed down to the dining room!

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

"Why do you always get to be 'half-full' and I have to be 'half empty'!?"

'I'll bet this would be more fun on a computer.'

Street sweeper with an umbrella on his broom.

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

'Nature makes me nervous!'

Watering the flowers in the rain.

It was love at first sight.

Giraffe Umbrella...

'We can't even sue! It's just as the brochure said - sand ,sea ,sun ,solitude... '

"Taking crazy risks gives me such a rush. Like check out my phone. No case!"

'If my mom's so afraid I'll get wet, how come she's always trying to make me take a bath?'

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

"I'm a foul weather fan."