Uk Football Gifts

'I thought the government had abolished blood sports.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Bowled over again!

Church for sports worshipers.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

The trauma of losing.

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Punt Cake

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

The Brothers Grime

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Football

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'