Udderly Talented Gifts

"Congratulations on winning the milking contest."

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Cow writer.

"Mum, please jump up and down . . . I feel like a milkshake."

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

'Oh, sow some interest! How many 8-year-olds can play the '1812' on a vacuum hose?'

Who are you?

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

"I don't get you. You can soft shoe, play the ukulele and juggle, but you can't fetch a pair of slippers."

"Don't leave me dangling!"

"I've given up on trying to improve the quality of my milk: It just ends up mixed with milk from other cows in a big vat..."

OWZAT...The beer-mat-flipping champion sets a new world record!

'...open beer bottles with his teeth.'

"Any OTHER skills that might be more appropriate to a role in forensic accounting?"

"I can't believe how COMPETITIVE the job market has gotten. The company I interviewed at today already has 16 employees who can burp the ABCs!"

"Wow, Tia Carmen...that's amazing! How do you do it?"

'MILK ME!'

"He's one in a million."

Cow Piercing.

"It says here there's a pug in Peoria that can play the harmonica."

Cheese maker

Bar Code Cows.

“If I had known I could hold my breath so long I could have made money as a side show attraction instead of borrowing from the mob.”

Don't get wet.

"Would you say eavesdropping is a special skill and/or interest?"

"Did we really need a company newsletter?"

Child Prodigy, "We're afraid he's a child prodigy"

"I've had this sort of dragging feeling all day!"