Uber Driver Gifts

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"Somehow I'm just not popular. I'm an IRS agent, but I moonlight as a telemarketer and an Uber driver."

"You're my first lemming, Uber driver."

"I understand that you want to work remotely, but you're an uber driver."

"I'm running late, my Uber driver's car broke down."

"My husband is an uber driver, he'll be home in 3 minutes!"

"Uber's my main gig. Federal-government employment is my side hustle."

"Sorry I'm late - my Uber driver turned out to be the Google Maps guy."

"Am I a new parent? No, I'm a new Uber driver taking him to school."

"I thought he left the house because he has an instinct to hunt. I now know he's an Uber driver."

"Honey, the tuber driver is here!"

"Did anyone order an Uber?"

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'So much for your new Satnav!'

Coexist. Coexhaust.

Music to drive ( others mad) to...

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

Doug fights back at soaring gas prices.

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

A Quiet Rebuke.

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."

"In my own country I didn't drive a taxi."

Lady about flat tire: 'It's not too bad - it's only flat on the bottom.'

Stop, Smell Roses (stop and smell the roses)

Better times ahead.

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

"No officer, I didn't what the speed limit was. Those signs were going by too fast."