Two-faced Friend Gifts

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

North Pole

Super pets.

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

Man about dog parasailing: 'He's a water dog and a birder.'

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"Someone's sending us a tweet...it says 'more seed, please!'"

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Want to swap imaginary playmates?'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"Yeah, our garden is always a mess: We can't stop ourselves foraging for worms..."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

"I love college."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

Are you kiddin'? Those babies are all made right here on the premises.

Campus Library. How was your Russian poetry class? Rhyme and punishment.