Twin Mama Gifts

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Out of patience

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Don't look now - it's a ghost from our Christmas party past.'

"No, that was my twin brother. I was too chicken to cross the road."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

'What's the plural of baby?'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after 3 children all day"

man juggling career, home and children

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

'Fido watching his favourite programme..'

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

'My chiropractor said that since I had the twins my posture has improved.'

'We really should ask the driver of that car for tips on coping with twins.'

Just one last push! It's like a scene from alien...

"Check those babies out."

'I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home.'

'So what's new?' 'Everything.'

"Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with a nanny state."

'I was well-informed, well-adjusted, a useful member of society - then I married.'

No, I don't have a Dad: Mum says that the Vet came to see her one day and that I was born a few months later...'

Rank: Everyone unconsciously desires to return to the womb.

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

'Oh hi honey, did you get the baby mobile for over the crib?'

'We have a contract to call her Nike.'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"