Twin Mama Pillows

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

Out of patience

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

"No, that was my twin brother. I was too chicken to cross the road."

'Don't look now - it's a ghost from our Christmas party past.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

'What's the plural of baby?'

man juggling career, home and children

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after 3 children all day"

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

'My chiropractor said that since I had the twins my posture has improved.'

'We really should ask the driver of that car for tips on coping with twins.'

"Check those babies out."

'I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home.'

"Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with a nanny state."

No, I don't have a Dad: Mum says that the Vet came to see her one day and that I was born a few months later...'

Rank: Everyone unconsciously desires to return to the womb.

'I was well-informed, well-adjusted, a useful member of society - then I married.'

'Oh hi honey, did you get the baby mobile for over the crib?'

Twins

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"