Fur Mama Gifts

'I wanted my birth mother and adoptive mother to finally meet.'

"what say you we find another way to say hello?"

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Bathing the dog

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Babies vs. Dogs

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Fur Baby

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

Cat Zoom Meeting

Upper East Side Dog Park

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

When is he coming home buddy?

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'

Cat and owner sticking out tongues at each other.

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."