Fur Mom Gifts

There's no point in teaching a cat to play dead --- It's already their default mode.

'Got to raise the price of dog food again! Income's down from last year."

"Same old crap. Sure, the couch is golden but you still gotta' stay off it."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

Babies vs. Dogs

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Fleas Navidad.

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Fur Baby

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

Cat Zoom Meeting

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"It's a good boy!"

When is he coming home buddy?

Upper East Side Dog Park

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."