Fur Mom Gifts

'Got to raise the price of dog food again! Income's down from last year."

"Same old crap. Sure, the couch is golden but you still gotta' stay off it."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

Babies vs. Dogs

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

Fur Baby

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

Cat Zoom Meeting

Upper East Side Dog Park

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."