Fur-mommy Gifts

'Actually, Doctor, his bite is worse than his bark!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Bathing the dog

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

Babies vs. Dogs

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Fleas Navidad.

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Fur Baby

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

Cat Zoom Meeting

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

When is he coming home buddy?

"It's a good boy!"

Upper East Side Dog Park

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

Cat and owner sticking out tongues at each other.