Fur Baby Mom Gifts

'Oh there you are...you naughty girl! What have you been up to this time?'

She'd decided to apply for a species change...

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Fleas Navidad.

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

Fur Baby

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

Cat Zoom Meeting

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

Upper East Side Dog Park

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

"It's a good boy!"

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

Cat and owner sticking out tongues at each other.

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'She feeds me, walks me, washes me, and picks up after me...yet...I'm supposed to be man's best friend?'

"Pampered?"

Pet Adoptions

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

"What do you think you're doing? You play with me every day for 15 months, and out of the blue, you're going to work?!"

Pet Owners' Date Night

"He's a rescue."

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'