Twice-a-bride Gifts

It's hard not to be bitter the second time around.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'He does.'

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

Wedding bouquet spring loaded shoes.

'Actually, most brides would find being stranded on a deserted beach very romantic...'

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

"Do you, Halfomild Tellycelebrtipewhoo-hoo, promise to brush up on matters such as the Hadron Collider?"

The Happiest Hen in Acle

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Okay, so you were right; maybe figuring 13 bottles of wine per person was a little too much.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

Wedding Fayre

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"