Tweets More Than They Breathe Gifts

"I made the mistake of having more twitter followers than the king."

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

Facelift Book.

"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

"Jeremy and I are so in sync, we finish each other's tweets."

Man and bird

"He just sits there, trying to think of the tweet to end all tweets."

'It's a tweet from Maid Marian.'

"And then she quote-tweeted my retweet of her subtweet, and the rest, as they say, is history."

"The source of all those mystery tweets."

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

'He's just de-man's-best-friended me.'

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

'I'd join Twitter, but I'm worried I'll make a hash of it.'

'Your texting addiction sticks out like a sore thumb.'

"So then I thought...who needs speech writers when I can just recite all my old tweets!"

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be taken out of context and put on Twitter and then it'll be a whole thing."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

Love at first text.

"I've tricked all my squirmy patients into staying still by telling them we're doing the mannequin challenge."

My Fair Lady Twitter

Follow our interest rates on Twitter.

"You don’t have to buy everything you see on Instagram."

The twittering president.

'I'm thinking of writing a tweet.'

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'

'I got the ain't nobody reading my tweets blues.'