Tweet Tamer Gifts

"I just tweeted something I shouldn't have."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

Busy office.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

Parenting Business Deals

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

'He left for the office in a bit of a temper!'

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

How very Independent!

'I told you he had a temper.'

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"I've got a lap dog and a laptop cat."

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

"You'll be on the road most days, but when you do come in, this will be your docking station."

Phone generation.

"Hello? IT support? I think my hard drive is fragmented."

Man in office smiling in delight as various office equipment dances for him

Computer Time Bomb.

"I haven't seen you look at your me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives?"

"In your skill set I see that you listed, 'Proofleader.'"

"Mrs. Tibbles, the vet will see you now."