Tweet-savvy Scholar Pillows

Ornithology teacher: 'And if you can't make it to class, at least follow me on Twitter.'

The Proust of Twitter

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"A virus ate my homework."

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

'My teacher said my penmanship has really improved since I started doing my homework on an inkjet printer.'

'It's a tweet from Maid Marian.'

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

"Jeremy and I are so in sync, we finish each other's tweets."

Man and bird

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

"I'm on Facebook, dear. Do we want to friend this revolution?"

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

"I can't wait to get home and insult my parents from a position of authority."

"So then I thought...who needs speech writers when I can just recite all my old tweets!"

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be taken out of context and put on Twitter and then it'll be a whole thing."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

"Now remember this formula, it's going to be on the test."

My Fair Lady Twitter

The twittering president.

'My teacher has said my penmanship has really improved since I started doing my homework on an inkjet printer.'

'I'm thinking of writing a tweet.'

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.

"Actually no mum, I haven't made lots of new friends."

Tweet

"I just got a text from my teenage daughter. Do you speak emoji?"

'It appears your son has a tweeting disorder'

'I got the ain't nobody reading my tweets blues.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public tweeting ... '