Tv True-believer Gifts

"One, one deduction! Two, two deductions! Three, three deductions! Four deductions ah ah ah!!!!!!"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"Our bond is stronger because we chose each other."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

I want a calendar where every day says here and now

"Oh, puhleeese. No one's going to steal your idea."

true love.

The ten ammendments

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

"I have an app for that."

'Confusionism'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Football Delivery

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

"And do you, Bob, promise to treat Karen as well as you treat your vintage 1950 Indian Blackhawk motorcycle?"

"I've finally found my soulmate."

"Look Daddy, at least the poor economy hasn't affected the Tooth Fairy yet!"

'I'll have three of those trout, but throw them to me. . . I want to tell the wife I caught them.'

'Legal says you'll need more diversity at your Round Table.'

"I crossed the road, doctor and I loved it!"

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Ten commandments and the periodic table – all we have to know."

'I am reluctant to offer plastic surgery at this time, Miss Caterpillar: Why don't you let Nature take its course?'

'Sorensen will put a positive spin on it, Nissen will issue a denial and Sims will flat out lie about it.'

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Prince trying to climb to Rapunzel. Has a wig in his hands.

Feelings towards radios #8 People worshipping a radio.

"Times like these bring out the best in us."

"The best decisions are made when complexity and simplicity meet."

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

Meet Aron Kowalski: The only person in the USA who hasn't been abducted by aliens...