Tv True-believer Pillows

"One, one deduction! Two, two deductions! Three, three deductions! Four deductions ah ah ah!!!!!!"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"Our bond is stronger because we chose each other."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

I want a calendar where every day says here and now

"Oh, puhleeese. No one's going to steal your idea."

true love.

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

The ten ammendments

"I have an app for that."

Sermon on the Grounds...

'Confusionism'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

"I've finally found my soulmate."

"And do you, Bob, promise to treat Karen as well as you treat your vintage 1950 Indian Blackhawk motorcycle?"

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

Football Delivery

'I'll have three of those trout, but throw them to me. . . I want to tell the wife I caught them.'

"Look Daddy, at least the poor economy hasn't affected the Tooth Fairy yet!"

'Legal says you'll need more diversity at your Round Table.'

"I crossed the road, doctor and I loved it!"

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

'I am reluctant to offer plastic surgery at this time, Miss Caterpillar: Why don't you let Nature take its course?'

"Ten commandments and the periodic table – all we have to know."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

'Sorensen will put a positive spin on it, Nissen will issue a denial and Sims will flat out lie about it.'

Prince trying to climb to Rapunzel. Has a wig in his hands.

Feelings towards radios #8 People worshipping a radio.

"Times like these bring out the best in us."

You're supposed to just copy it. The Archbishop says to knock off the ad libs!

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

Meet Aron Kowalski: The only person in the USA who hasn't been abducted by aliens...