Tv Therapists Fan Gifts

"We don't go to therapists-we just watch them on TV."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

'Since I've been identifying with you, I've been appointed director of the Millwood Psychiatric Institute.'

"I'm going to level with you. I find you to be disturbingly insane."

Express Therapy

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"I have no feelings about having no feelings."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"Teach me not to care."

'The way this works is that you say the first thing that comes to your mind...'

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

'Sometimes, I'm like... wow! And then, I'm like... whoa! And then, I'm like... damn!'

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

'It's a deal then-I'll waive my fee if you'll do my son's birthay party..'

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

Can I take your disorder?

Sardine psychologist.

Psychoanalyst turtle trying to help turtle patient come out of shell

"I don’t know … there’s a small part of me that just wants to erase my childhood."

'Just because they're afraid of you, it doesn't mean they don't like you.'

'I always seem to bring out the worst in people.'

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."