Tv Therapists Fan Pillows

"We don't go to therapists-we just watch them on TV."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

Express Therapy

"Teach me not to care."

"I'm going to level with you. I find you to be disturbingly insane."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'Since I've been identifying with you, I've been appointed director of the Millwood Psychiatric Institute.'

"I have no feelings about having no feelings."

'The way this works is that you say the first thing that comes to your mind...'

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'Sometimes, I'm like... wow! And then, I'm like... whoa! And then, I'm like... damn!'

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

'I always seem to bring out the worst in people.'

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

Psychoanalyst turtle trying to help turtle patient come out of shell

Can I take your disorder?

"I don’t know … there’s a small part of me that just wants to erase my childhood."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

Sardine psychologist.

'Just because they're afraid of you, it doesn't mean they don't like you.'

'It's a deal then-I'll waive my fee if you'll do my son's birthay party..'

Good shrink, bad shrink.