Therapy Session Sitcom Fan Pillows

'Let me know when you find it difficult to speak.'

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

Man on psychiatrist's couch: 'It was a cry for help, really - I tried to slash my wrists with rollerblades.'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Teach me not to care."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Hello Mum .. The Doc wants to know if I have difficulty making decisions. What do you think?"

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Can I take your disorder?

Sardine psychologist.

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"I feel like we're finally making progress."