Tv Network Programmer Gifts

'I hear they're going to cable.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

The Computer Bore

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"Google car."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Cut!

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

TV jester.

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

Applause