Tv License Skeptic Gifts

'BBC Phone Poll'

'Well, I got a hunting license and a fishing license and by golly I'm going to use them.'

Bad Influence of TV

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

"You wanted to miss the Matisse show."

Remote control that is remote - in the wilderness

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."

'Relax - someone will be looking for us...the Inland Revenue...the T V licence people...'

"Says here underage kids can get a hardship license if they have a legitimate reason to drive a car."

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

Viewer Discretion - Stupid Program.

"Funding for 'Nova' is provided by Merck and Lockheed, by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by annual financial support from viewers like you."

Go To Sleep Britain...

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

"Yes, it is an interesting coffee table, isn't it? My husband made it from an old telly we never use."

"I just don't get these reality shows!"

"It means this show has been dumbed down to the level of people who couldn't pour water out of a boot, even if the instructions were printed on the heel."

'Hello, and welcome to Acme Cable. If you're calling about a billing issue, big whoop. Get over it and pay the bill. If your cable is out, who cares. When it's fixed, you'll know it. If you're...'

'The 2 minute hate.'

"No wonder they leave the house every day: daytime TV is awful..."

First and last day as member of the CRTC.

More Vacuous Reality TV S**e

Common Sense

"The preceding PBS program was funded by do-gooders...not by freeloaders like yourself."

We Wanna Be Loved

"A completely new concept in Television, a Vorderman free channel!!"

'I've got nothing against those shows. . . I just wish I had an IQ low enough to enjoy them.'

'Thank you for welcoming us into your...'

'Everything is illusory, but television is ESPECIALLY illusory.'

"You might have seen Judy's uterus on a recent PBS special."

"That thing gives you a sense of power doesn't it?"

'Why don't we just get rid of the TV?'

City Dump: Garbage/Metal/Reality TVs

"Every time it comes on I feel like leaving the house."

TV screens reads 'Giant Government Database' - 'Oh no! Not more Big Brother.'