Turkey Talker Gifts

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

The way I see it, when you go around saying "gobble-gobble" all the time, they're bound to get ideas.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"See? I told you those ventriloquist lessons would pay off for us some day!"

"Actually, I was pardoned by the President ... the president of Cartoonists Guild."

"Your father used to brag about his belly button being an outie, too. Remember, boasting leads to roasting."

"Your father used to brag about his belly button being an outie, too. Remember, boasting leads to roasting."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Woman on the phone.

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

Obtaining a degree in TV Broadcasting.

"Don't fall for it! He's just trying to fatten you up for Thanksgiving!"

Where we get Turkey Jerky...

Christmas was the one time of year when Roger could take advantage of working in the genetic research laboratory.

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

'I'm sleepy all the time.'

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'...There's this big dude on the other side. Nobody look! But, every time we try anything he comes after me. Now, what's that all about?'

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

'Hank, I know you're new at turkey hunting, but that isn't the way you call turkeys.'

'Boy, that is one old Turkey.'

"On the basis you have nothing to give thanks for this past year, what say you spare us the chop?"

"We're raising them for turkey bacon."

"What does 'giddyup' even mean?"

"Sure, it's an artificial fish. I caught it with artificial bait."

Do I really offend people all the time? You're too honest. People are different from other animals. Other animals like the truth, but people are very touchy. They like their information sugar-coated. Do you see? But what about Dr. Phil? Precisely. He's almost certainly part jungle creature.

"My one-man band is breaking up."