Territorial Talker Gifts

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'There is no point in leaving civilization, because civilization will not leave you.'

Aladdin's Less Magic Carpet Ride.

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Filthy Earthlings got here before us!'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

Rubbish and Everest

Dustbin monster.

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

'Alsace-Lorraine - What did YOU get for Christmas?'

Bin Inspector

Human males marking territory.

We're polishing our brand.

"You've opened my eyes to the most disgusting worldly delights."

I know! How about I take out the trash? Clean the basement? Re-tile the bathroom? Take you to the ballet? Ok. Ok. I'll have "the talk" with Teddy.

"I see you have experience marking territory."

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

Environmental Protection Agency. Scott Pruitt, Administrator.

Preserved

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

"Did you order takeout?"

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha