Territorial Trainers Gifts

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Hanging off every word...

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

'First of all, relax.'

The Games Man: He spends many hours studying minute aquatic flies...which his trout very rarely eat.

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

Targets.

'Look, Dad! -- I taught Shep to walk on his hind legs!'

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'