Turkey Humorist Gifts

"I can handle the 'Gobble,' but you're going to have to find someone else to translate the 'Dygook' part."

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"The Eggsorcist"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Flight simulator'

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'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

German School

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

"What are you doing?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.