Turkey Humorist Gifts

"I can handle the 'Gobble,' but you're going to have to find someone else to translate the 'Dygook' part."

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"The Eggsorcist"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Flight simulator'

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"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

The Evolution Of Man