Tuition Fee Analyst Gifts

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

'Congratulations! And please give your parents this receipt for $148 thousand.'

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

'...but if daddy raised your allowance he'd be hurting the economy by stimulating inflation. You wouldn't want him to do that, would you?'

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

'If I have to buy my sneakers with MY money, doesn't that blur the line between allowance and support.'

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

Dadonomics

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

"For what it cost me, it SHOULD be big."

"Whoever guesses which cup the college tuition is under, gets it."

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

'The latest on the tuition front. Next year nobody will be able to afford college.'

Parents happy that student has dropped out of university.

'It cost a mint to educate him. If you want his opinion, you'll have to pay for it.'

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

I'm beat! Was work too hard for you? I didn't notice you helping dig, haul, plant or water dad's nursery. Boo hoo! He paid you, didn't he? Yeah. But I'm too tired to spend it! Now I can help.

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

'Fellas, I swear I'll get you the money! Remember the money was for my kid's education.'

'Stop her Henry!'

"Poor chap has just discovered his daughter has got in to medical school!"

'Sorry kids, we've had to introduce parenting fees.'

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'