Tuition Fee Analyst Pillows

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

'Congratulations! And please give your parents this receipt for $148 thousand.'

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

'...but if daddy raised your allowance he'd be hurting the economy by stimulating inflation. You wouldn't want him to do that, would you?'

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks

'If I have to buy my sneakers with MY money, doesn't that blur the line between allowance and support.'

'Thank you, sir. NEXT, PLEASE!'

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

Dadonomics

"For what it cost me, it SHOULD be big."

"Whoever guesses which cup the college tuition is under, gets it."

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

'The latest on the tuition front. Next year nobody will be able to afford college.'

'Stop her Henry!'

'It cost a mint to educate him. If you want his opinion, you'll have to pay for it.'

'Sorry kids, we've had to introduce parenting fees.'

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

Parents happy that student has dropped out of university.

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

"It must have been nice to get spotted all those medical school loans."