Truth Twister T-Shirts

'Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, except if your wife asks if she looks fat?'

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"Sometimes it works in my favor. I got off jury duty."

A difficult position.

'Your Honor... all the lies I told were true.'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, let me present the alternative facts of the case."

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Careful - it's full of lies."

'Judging from your resume, you must have received an A in creative writing.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Spin Doctor

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Curtsey

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

Hanukkah tree

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

Jack and the Beanstalk.

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

Elevator choices: Up, Down, Different Narrative.

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."