Truth-twister Tracker T-Shirts

Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally. I've topped myself, minion. It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence; we have to simultaneously tear down the competition. Behold my masterpiece. "100 percent of those who drink Coffee King's coffee will die." Best part is it's technically true.

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

"What a disappointment. When you said your dad was a troll, I thought he'd be living under a bridge."

Jack and the Beanstalk.

Answers to last week's brain-teasers

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

Evidence board

"I never lie to my parents, but sometimes we do interpret event differently."

"When you told me that your father owned several banks, you failed to mention that they're all piggy banks."

'Okay, so we're 4 and 8 this season. Take away those 8 losses and we're undefeated!'

Serf faints as apple is shot from his head by an arrow.

'Telling them there is no meaning to life only ruins it for the rest of us.'

Daily Mail Reader

News: Clown found in hot tub with pigs

Burke and Hare and Hare

'Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, except if your wife asks if she looks fat?'

Political Science 101: This semester's topics - twisting of facts, manipulation, power-grabbing.

"Urgent message from Captain Sasson, sir - do you know any words that rhyme with orange?"

A difficult position.

'You call it a lie. I think of it as augmented reality.'

Spin Doctor

'Judging from your resume, you must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Careful - it's full of lies."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, let me present the alternative facts of the case."

'We have good news and bad news. The good news is we've developed a credible spin for the bad news...'

Cameron speaks out about EU - or did he?