Truth Twisters T-Shirts

'We have good news and bad news. The good news is we've developed a credible spin for the bad news...'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Curtsey

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

Jack and the Beanstalk.

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

Polo pony

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

Elevator choices: Up, Down, Different Narrative.

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

'I can't seem to find the 'surprise' ending.'

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

"I agree, Glenn. The first sentence needs to hook the reader."

"It's the grisly story of the brutal murder of a publisher who rejected a brilliant novel about the brutal murder of a publisher who..."

"I never lie to my parents, but sometimes we do interpret event differently."

"Better than Chekhov"

'Best Seller'

Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally. I've topped myself, minion. It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence; we have to simultaneously tear down the competition. Behold my masterpiece. "100 percent of those who drink Coffee King's coffee will die." Best part is it's technically true.

Serf faints as apple is shot from his head by an arrow.