Time Twister T-Shirts

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Curtsey

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

"As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time..."

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

Hanukkah tree

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

Jack and the Beanstalk.

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

'He's so behind the times - his Hot Line is rotary!'

'He's calling Running Bear on his mobile.'

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

'As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time...'

"Here's one I wrote about not being able to come up with one of those 'Here's One I Wrote About' songs."

Serf faints as apple is shot from his head by an arrow.

'Nice! And what other interests do you have besides jamming?'

We thought everyone would read it, but they haven't got the time.