Time Tinker T-Shirts

Career Day. This isn't fair! I told the teacher I'm going to work in a clock factory and make faces.

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Drool Marks

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

Sistine Selfie

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

Technology and literature

"All my gadgets are old. I'd like some new gadgets."

"As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time..."

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

December 17, 1903: We miraculously devise a craft that can transport human beings though the sky. December 18, 1903: We figure out how to use said craft to kill people.

Our Computer is Up/Down.

"When you think of it, all you really need is one 3D printer to start manufacturing them yourself!"

"Why run the maze when you don't have to?"

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

Solar car with automatic navigation system, automatically choosing sunny routes.

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

'Don't knock it. The copy machine hasn't broken down in a month.'

"Great prototype, but I asked for a grate prototype."

'I wrote a program that generates random conspiracy theories.'

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"Now, you show me yours"

"I think we've been wasting out time testing phones on rats. We already know phones are addictive."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

'Well excuse me Mr. watch me pound on a hollow log!! I just thought our sound could use a change!!'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

James Dyson

"This CD player costs less than players selling for twice as much."