Trust Issues Comedian Gifts

"Working late, my foot! You reek of pollen!"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

"Love you, love us, and I'm comfortable with our debt level."

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

Borrowed 200K for mime school

"Of course under your new contract the requirement for you to provide 24 hour cover is optional...you could also opt for 36 or 48 hours!"

'He owes $30,000 for a degree in drama but right now he's not acting.'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

bound by restrictive covenant

"And with this, nuptial contract, independent inventory and itemised bill...I thee wed."

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'You've got to help me, Doc -- I keep switching long-distance companies!'

'The bank want to be sure that I don't vanish and forget the loan repayment...'

"So is there anything apart from us stopping being 'a bunch of cynical dishonest lying hypocrites' that would help us secure your vote?"

'Hey partner, you're building your brand with stolen content.'

'I followed your husband yesterday. He spent the whole day following you.'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm

"You deserve a lot of credit for our having so much debt."

'You either need an antihistamine or a heart transplant -- I'll have to check your credit rating to be sure.'

'Is it okay to put my credit card payment on my credit card?'

"Hey Jefferson, just thought I'd stop by to see if you are actually sick."

'The Big Guy seems to trust him. Would you help us kill him?'

'I see you're aware of the problem with the phones.'

"I broke up with him! I couldn't trust him anymore: I kept finding ginger hair in his hairballs. . ."