Trust Issue Humorist Gifts

"You can trust me. I wear my name on a lanyard."

"I broke up with him! I couldn't trust him anymore: I kept finding ginger hair in his hairballs. . ."

Ethics exam cheater.

Will work for ETFs

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'What'll it be?'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

"Any chance of a couple of crumbs?"

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

'Honey, have you seen the size of this phone bill.'

"Will you manage my portfolio?"

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

The Mattress Savings Bank

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

Oh, I can't complain. high profits

'I miss the great depression.'