Trust Issue Humorist Pillows

"You can trust me. I wear my name on a lanyard."

"You're our oldest and dearest friends, but we figured why take chances?"

"I broke up with him! I couldn't trust him anymore: I kept finding ginger hair in his hairballs. . ."

Ethics exam cheater.

Will work for ETFs

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'What'll it be?'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

General Motors.

"Any chance of a couple of crumbs?"

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'I handle commodities and Dietrich here specialises in stocks and bonds.'

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'