Ethical Humorist Pillows

Ethics exam cheater.

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I'd still like to operate on you. There's a sweet motorcycle I'd like to buy, and I need the money.'

Happy Birthday P.E.T.A.

"Even though it says 'Do not resuscitate' on his chart, it doesn't mean you can steal his watch."

"O.K. Just make sure no animals are harmed in the exploding-donkey scene."

The War Criminal's Guide to Etiquette

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

"I no longer snarl or try to bite them since I joined Animals for the Ethical Treatment of People."

"It suits me, doesn't it? And it's not unethical because it's from a climatologist!"

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Archimedes statue with a lever

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Optimist

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'What'll it be?'

Schrödinger and his cat

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

Auguste Comte

'Heidegger-Hi!'

'I, pink, therefore, I ham...'